ΆρχονταςΧάους

For some hidden Freudian reason, almost all beginner’s Latin books begin with vocabularies of “farmers”, “daughters”, “sailors”, and several seemingly innocent verbs describing various things these nouns can do to each other. Throughout the years, countless British school boys have probably been secretly making up adolescent fantasies from those memorable passages containing these beginner’s vocaburaries, not knowing the true historical account of these events.

Now, finally, a Latin book tells you what really went on between the farmers’ daugheters and the sailors:

Puellae filiae agricolarum sunt.
The girls are the daughters of the farmers.

Puellae pulchrae sunt.
The girls are pretty.

Puellae nautas in via spectant.
The girls see the sailors in the street.

Nautae pulchri sunt.
The sailors are hunks.

Puellae nautas salutant.
The girls say hello to the sailors.

O malam fortunam! Nautae male mares sunt.
Too bad! The sailors are homos.

Nautae ad puellas digitos impudicos porrigunt.
The sailors give the girls the finger.

Puellae nautas appellant:
The girls call out to the sailors:

“Speramus naviculam misellam vestram ad scopulum adlisam iri summersum.”
“We hope your stupid boat hits a rock and sinks.”

Puellae in forum descendere destinant et ibi mercimonium furari.
The girls decide to go down to the mall and shoplift some stuff.

Omnes paucis annis prosedae erunt.
In a few years they will all be hookers.

- excerpt from X-Treme Latin by Herny Beard.

It was the glorious days of the Roman Empire, you know? Ruder things had happened.